By The Book Reviews

Review by By The Books Reviewer

Molly Jong-Fast's memoir, "How to Lose Your Mother," is a searing exploration of the tumultuous relationship between a daughter and her iconic mother, Erica Jong. This narrative is not for the faint of heart; it delves into the raw and often painful intricacies of familial bonds, exposing the underbelly of a life lived in the shadow of fame.

From the outset, Jong-Fast does not shy away from the complexities of her upbringing. As the daughter of Erica Jong, whose 1973 novel "Fear of Flying" became a feminist touchstone, one might assume a life of privilege and empowerment. However, the reality presented is starkly different. Jong-Fast recounts a childhood marked by emotional neglect, her mother's alcoholism, and a pervasive sense of abandonment. The memoir paints Erica not as the feminist icon the public revered, but as a self-absorbed figure whose career and personal indulgences often took precedence over maternal responsibilities. ([ft.com](https://www.ft.com/content/24ca08f8-f2cc-4dfe-a7e4-1ded62f84f09?utm_source=openai))

The narrative is unflinchingly honest, perhaps to a fault. Jong-Fast's portrayal of her mother's decline into dementia is both heartbreaking and, at times, uncomfortably candid. The descriptions of Erica's deteriorating mental state, coupled with the author's own struggles—her husband's cancer diagnosis, the logistical nightmares of elder care—create a portrait of a woman overwhelmed yet unyielding. While some may commend this brutal honesty, others might find it bordering on exploitative, raising ethical questions about the memoirist's role in exposing such intimate details.

Critically, the memoir has been lauded for its rawness and depth. Kirkus Reviews describes it as "the best book Jong-Fast could have written about the worst year of her life," highlighting the author's self-awareness and dark humor. ([kirkusreviews.com](https://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/molly-jong-fast/how-to-lose-your-mother/?utm_source=openai)) However, this praise does not absolve the memoir of its potential pitfalls. The relentless focus on the mother's flaws, without a balanced exploration of her complexities, risks reducing Erica Jong to a one-dimensional character, which seems a disservice to both the subject and the reader.

In conclusion, "How to Lose Your Mother" is a compelling yet contentious read. It offers an unvarnished look at the challenges of caregiving, the scars of a fraught mother-daughter relationship, and the personal toll of public life. While it succeeds in shedding light on these issues, it does so with a level of candor that may not sit well with all readers. Approach with caution; this memoir is as likely to provoke discomfort as it is to enlighten.

Recommendation: Read with caution.

written on: 6/12/2025